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Pam Poovey holyshitsnacks
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Cheryl and Pam's House, Saturday Morning
Pam Poovey was flouncing around Cheryl's fabulous mansion, in a decided mood. She was hung over, and the scale this morning decided she was up three pounds. Stupid, lying scale.

"It's no use," she said, monologuing in the empty living room. Her Wisconsin accent was noticeably absent, as it didn't play well in Middle America. "I'll have to go talk to Bruce. He's the only one who can clear up this terrible paperwork error."

Now that the viewers were up to speed, she lit a cigarette and pouted for a few seconds so they could cut to commercial.

(RECASTING NOTICE. The executives didn't like having an actual overweight woman on the show, so they decided to go in the 'Hollywood Fat' direction instead. So for this weekend, Pam will be played by Bridget Jones-era Renee Zellweger. OPEN!)